re: "vacancy"

A tongue-in-cheek poem for your reading pleasure borne out of the research I've been doing for the "Nones" series (click for Part 1 and Part 2), specifically in reference to those people who might fall into the Liberal "Nones" category.  I hope to have a new post ready early next week about these dear people who have been hurt by the people who should be loving them the most ... by members of evangelical churches across the country who have taken strong and divisive stances on social issues.  Until then, here's a bit of satirical prose for you.

"Vacancy"
by Nicole A Webb

A pew sits empty, there's a gap in the crowd.
The church sign reads "VACANCY", but no sinners allowed.

There's no room for Questioners, nor any Wise Guys.
Challengers, Disputers need not apply.

Fill out your paperwork, slide it under the door.
We'll check your facts, then let you know if we need more.

Please take the brochure.  It states our theology.
Then take that thick book.  It contains our anthology:

A list of requirements, of accepted behaviors and dress.
Please learn it and memorize it.  There will be a test.

Don't get your hopes up.  We're really quite picky.
Not messing around with those who are dirty or icky.

We've searched and rejected many who have applied.
We've hand-picked, selected only those who have tried ...

To say what we say,
To wear what we wear,
To do what we do,
To care what we care.

Yes, a pew now sits empty, but we'd rather it be
filled by none other than someone like me.

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